by idaXu
I acted as if she doesn't exists
Although my every thought and decision were made because she does
She doesn't know we became real close these two weeks
Even if you won't admit it, it doesn't make it less true
We were closer than we have ever been before,
because you made us closer than before
Before this it was more like the tides on the beach
You came to me like the waves, crushing on me hard
Then when I reached out, you will pulled back
Leaving me all choked up and soaked up
I had to take a step back
so you can figure out what you want for yourself
I have done many things differently with you because I don't want you to feel pressured
Like you told me you were pressured before
Or was that a lie?
The further I stepped back, the more you seek me
Loneliness?
Unsatisfied relationship?
She wasn't around?
Or just playing hard to get with her?
I didn't ask
I didn't care because I am just thankful that you were around
Yesterday I couldn't sleep a wink
After all those talk of future plans
After all those shared dreams
After all those teasing and flirting and sweet nothings
I shared a vulnerable moment with you
More vulnerable than stepping into my fort
Where many have seen and left too
That moment I knew
I would do anything and everything for you
Just to see your cheeky smile
Just to see you in deep slumber
Just to have you close to me
Sadly you don't feel the same for me
You have always treated me good
You have always treated me nice
And you always genuinely cared for me
But at last, I know I am not a priority
I know I am not your priority
I thought I could just ignored it
I thought I could just wish she doesn't exists
I thought I could just have you around
I thought I could just have them around to pacify the void when you weren't around
They are there not only to make you jealous, but also to catch me when I fall
At least until I feel like myself again
At least until I am a little bit stronger
At least until I am no longer at my weakest
So that I know I am not just some lost soul you were trying to help
So that I know I am not just some girl who needed a way out
So that I know I am more of me, the me that I want you to see
I am a true hopeless romantic
Who acts like a paranoid sceptic
I only want to see you happy
And I hope you understand
That I can never be just a friend
So I said my goodbyes and thank yous
And this is not another 'see you later' like the last two
I hope you find what you were seeking for
And I hope I can find mine too
I love you so much #sotong
#almostdoesntcount