#breakupsucks

He dumped me that night.
I asked him for another chance.
He said no, no, no, no, no.
I gave him the total of how much he owed me.
I changed my Facebook status to single.
He deleted all our pictures and my pictures on his account.
I blocked him in all my social media.
I posted on Facebook about the break up.
I added the supposedly 'wedding gift' into the total of debt and send him a Whatsapp about it.
He confirmed the total amount.
I blocked him again.
I had a girls night out.
I still feel my heart breaking.
I made up my mind,
10k, 10 wefies and 10 flowers.
I unblocked him from all my social media, but we're not friends.
I apologized to him and wish him well via Whatsapp.
He didn't reply.
I went to his house.
I said I changed my mind and asked for the desktop that I bought him.
He said okay.
I had to wait.
His mum asked me to have lunch together.
I ate.
I almost cried.
I didn't tell her.
He gave me the desktop in 3 ikea bags.
He asked where did I parked my car.
I said 'there'', I pointed.
He offered to carry the bags.
I said no.
We parted ways.
I carried the bags and cursed under my breath all the way to my car.
The end.

Rockstar

To the rockstar who smashed my heart into pieces, this is my what I hope is my closure.

Abang,
I never knew me being the 'smarter' one in our conversations wasn't ideal for you
Because I never felt that way as your opinions were refreshing and your knowledge in music always surpassed mine.
You told me you love me cause I am smart
I have asked you in many times in different occasions does me being opinionated bothers you as I have read most men are not comfortable with that.
I had an ex like that, remember when we discussed about that?

I never knew you wanted to end our relationship
Because in the 3-4 occasions for the past 8 years that I told you that I don't think our relationship is working out,
You told me to stop asking for a break up and start to work on this relationship
I did and yesterday you broke up with me
I told you that you at least owe us a try, let's make this work because I did for us, when you asked.
"No, no, no, no, no," you said.

For 8 years,
You told me that you would grow old together with me.
You told me everyday I am smart, beautiful and caring person and that you are the luckiest person on earth.

When people ask me about us,
What make us last for 8 years?
Communication, I would say.
Why are you very supportive of Bizee?
Because he supports me when I need him too.

Last night,
You told me there were times you took pleasure of seeing me hurt and crying because of what you have done.
You told me that there were times that you argued just for the sake of being right.
You told me that there were times when you have said 'I love you' and 'I miss you', you didn't mean them.
You told me that there were times that all you can think about after our disagreement is how to maneuver around the problem instead of solving them.
You told me that the time that you are so mad that you felt like punching me in the face, I told you if you punch, I will walk away from our relationship.
Now I wish you have punched me. So in my head, it is a clear sign that this was a toxic relationship.
So in my head now, there won't be these thoughts running through our memories, trying to find what went wrong.

Alas,
Thank you for moral support when I was down at my lowest.
When people kicked me down, you helped me to get back on my feet again.
Thank you for your conversations and great company.
Thank you for tolerating with my quirks, lack of punctuality and potty mouth.

I hope you will achieve your dreams soon.
With whomever that might be.

Cinta.

#breakupsucks