No. Just No.

No. Never looking back again
Never again
But in the corner of my eye
I see your reflection on my rear view mirror
I felt a slight tug in my chest

No. It is no longer a stabbing pain like it was
Like a thousand nails
Forcing their way out of my heart

Holding my hand over my chest
Letting go a sigh of relief
Thank you for saying no
Thank you for letting me go

Driving forward slowly
No. I don't know what is there in the future for me
But I am sure I don't want to be
That person you want me to be
Or that person you think I am
When I was at my lowest
And most certainly at my weakest
No. Just no.

Wiping my dried stained cheeks
from these imaginery tears
Smiling, laughing
It's your loss that I finally had enough
It's your loss and I will make sure of it

YES. - idaXu

#poetry #love #byetinder

Call Me By My Name

by idaXu

Call me by my name
Because sometimes I feel like I am just a replacement for someone you used to love
Because sometimes I feel you just love the idea of me instead of getting to know me
Because sometimes I feel unnoticed, unloved and unappreciated

Call me by my name
Because I want you to remember how I make you feel
Because I want you to know who you are messing around with
Because I want you to wish that it is me who are with every time

Call me by my name
Because I know who I am with each time
Because I will never forget how you feel each time
Because I wish it was you everytime

Call me by my name
Not just 'Baby' or 'Honey' or 'Sayang'
Say my name again
Say it everytime .

I Am Strong, So I Cry

People kept saying I am strong
So for a long time I only cried when there was no one around

Because I thought when I cry, I am weak

There was a time I only can cry when I was in his arms
And I didn't cry when it ended
Though I felt like my life just ended

Now I just cry and cry until I feel I can't cry no more
Then I cried a little bit more

I cried so many times now
I cried everytime I am happy, sad or even when I can feel so much love from an article, or even a photo
I even cry now everytime I see cute cat rescue videos

I think I cried a lot now for everytime I needed to cry,
but I didn't think I should
I think I cried a lot now for everytime I wanted to cry,
but I couldn't
I think I cried a lot now for every pain I felt,
but I didn't

And I will keep on crying now even for the smallest joy and heartbreaks I feel
Because I am strong, I can cry
I will cry everytime I fall, and get back on my feet
Everytime

-idaXu

#my2019

Be kind, always
Especially to myself
Think well of others,
until they failed me repeatedly
(more than 3 times).
If so, swiftly remove myself
from that toxic relationship
Value others based on
their actions towards me
and not what they say
they are going to do for/with me

People who said
they have gone through similar shit as me,
don't necessarily came
to the same conclusions as I did
Sometimes they are still assholes
Let them figure things out themselves
They need to go through it themselves
so that they can grow
Don't rob them from their experience

When others ask me
for my opinions or support,
Tell them my opinion gently
Like I am preparing them
for an #itoldyouso moment in the future
but never exercise those moments
#iamnotheretojudge

Take time to plan
Some plans are black and white,
some have grey areas
If it's black and white,
and I don't feel like doing it,
#doitanyways

Prioritize.
Stripped down to the basics.
Basics needs.
Shelter. Food. Clean water.

Ask for help, even though it is hard
How am I going to live and love
when I am barely alive?

Last Note

I am sorry I have been such a downer today
I am sorry that I still have a bad bone in my body when my survival instinct kicks in
I am sorry I have been a burden these past few months
I am sorry that I am not taking care of my adik-adik like I promised myself to
I am sorry that you guys have to take care of them now
I am sorry if I have not been appreciative enough
I am sorry I had dragged you guys in my problems
I am sorry that I lied and say I was feeling okay when I wasn't
I am sorry for demanding your time and attention
I am sorry that I have sometimes put unfair expectations on you guys
I am sorry that I let petty things affect me too much
I am sorry I have such potential but a let down nowadays
I am sorry for not trying harder sooner
I am sorry that I even thought of ending my life a couple of times
I am sorry that I have mentioned it to you guys a couple of times
I am sorry I can't function on my own
I am sorry that I don't know what to do now
I am sorry that I don't feel I am strong enough now
I am sorry for thinking of giving up
I am sorry I can't do it more

Know that I always love you guys
I don't mean to hurt you guys
I don't mean to abandon you guys
And I can't thank you guys enough for all the love and support that you had given me
I don't know what I did to deserve all of that
I am sorry

IdaXu
January 17th, 2019

Because You Don't Destroy The People You Love

Inpired by a quote in the internet [source unknown]
from the troubled mind of IdaXu

You don't love me.
You just don't want to be alone.
Or maybe, maybe because I am good for your ego.
Or maybe, maybe I make you feel good about your miserable life.
And you don't love me.
Because you don't destroy the people you love.

I don't love you.
I just don't want to be alone.
Or maybe, maybe because you are good for my ego.
Or maybe, maybe you make me feel good about my miserable life.
And I don't love you.
Because l don't destroy the people I love.

She doesn't love him.
She just don't want to be alone.
Or maybe, maybe because he is good for her ego.
Or maybe, maybe he makes her feel good about her miserable life.
And she doesn't love him.
Because you don't destroy the people you love.

He doesn't love her.
He just don't want to be alone.
Or maybe, maybe because she is good for his ego.
Or maybe, maybe she makes him feel good about his miserable life.
And he doesn't love her.
Because you don't destroy the people you love.

Perempuan Ini, Lelaki Itu

This is for all the women that are hurting, have been hurt and who are watching from the sidelines. We are here for you ❤️ #girlfriendsbelike

Perempuan Ini, Lelaki Itu
by IdaXu Rais

Perempuan Ini:
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau terpadan kau cepat mengaku bujang
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau telefon perempuan tu siang dan malam
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila raya kau cari perempuan tu dan bukan aku
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau pukul aku sebab aku masih percaya kau masih menipu
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila tengah malam kau ajak perempuan tu masuk senyap-senyap bilik kau berselingkuh
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau tinggalkan aku dengan anak dan duduk jauh dari aku
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau cerita buruk pasal aku dekat anak-anak
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila makan pakai aku kau gagal sediakan malah harapkan aku yang sediakan
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau pinjam duit aku tapi tak pernah reti nak pulang
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau panggil aku bodoh, hodoh dan tuduh aku yang curang
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau lempang muka aku, kau tarik rambut aku, kau tumbuk kepala aku, kau pukul peha aku, kau cubit dada aku
Betul ke kau sayang?
Bila kau tabur janji-janji palsu pada aku supaya aku tetap menunggu

Lelaki Itu :
Aku bukan sayang. Aku sebenarnya nak menang
Bukan aku dah tak sayang. Aku sebenarnya nak menang
Aku tak pernah sayang pun. Aku sebenarnya nak menang
Dulu aku sayang tapi kau asyik menang, aku jadi tak senang. Aku sebenarnya lagi layak menang

Jangan la pergi sayang
Kalau kau hilang, aku rasa kurang
Tak ada yang memandang aku dengan sayang
Tak ada yang nak mendengar resah aku setiap hari
Tak ada yang nak memuji segala gerak-geri baik aku
Tak ada yang nak melayan aku bila nafsu aku terangsang
Tak ada yang boleh aku bergantung harap bila pendapatan aku kurang
Tak ada yang sanggup setia bila aku tumbuk melepas geram
Tak ada yang memujuk aku walaupun aku yang terajang

Susah itu kita bersama, bila senang itu belakang cerita
Pahit itu kita tempuhi, bila manis itu aku mampu nak tambah lagi
Masalah itu kita punya, bila mudah itu aku lah raja

Perempuan Ini:
Jangan hukum aku kerana aku kerana aku terperdaya
Jangan biar aku kerana aku terpercaya kata-kata dia
Jangan pulau aku kerana aku tertipu dengan janji-janji manis dia
Jangan biarkan aku kerana aku cuba sedaya-upaya kerana cinta

Perempuan Itu:
Lelaki Itu yang menipu
Lelaki Itu yang memperdaya
Lelaki Itu yang bersalah
Bukan kau Perempuan Ini
Aku di sini bila kau sudah bersedia
Aku di sini bila kau sudah terjaga dari lena

I thought I could just wish that she doesn't exists

by idaXu

I acted as if she doesn't exists
Although my every thought and decision were made because she does

She doesn't know we became real close these two weeks
Even if you won't admit it, it doesn't make it less true
We were closer than we have ever been before,
because you made us closer than before

Before this it was more like the tides on the beach
You came to me like the waves, crushing on me hard
Then when I reached out, you will pulled back
Leaving me all choked up and soaked up

I had to take a step back
so you can figure out what you want for yourself
I have done many things differently with you because I don't want you to feel pressured
Like you told me you were pressured before
Or was that a lie?

The further I stepped back, the more you seek me
Loneliness?
Unsatisfied relationship?
She wasn't around?
Or just playing hard to get with her?
I didn't ask
I didn't care because I am just thankful that you were around

Yesterday I couldn't sleep a wink
After all those talk of future plans
After all those shared dreams
After all those teasing and flirting and sweet nothings
I shared a vulnerable moment with you
More vulnerable than stepping into my fort
Where many have seen and left too

That moment I knew
I would do anything and everything for you
Just to see your cheeky smile
Just to see you in deep slumber
Just to have you close to me
Sadly you don't feel the same for me

You have always treated me good
You have always treated me nice
And you always genuinely cared for me
But at last, I know I am not a priority
I know I am not your priority
I thought I could just ignored it
I thought I could just wish she doesn't exists
I thought I could just have you around
I thought I could just have them around to pacify the void when you weren't around
They are there not only to make you jealous, but also to catch me when I fall

At least until I feel like myself again
At least until I am a little bit stronger
At least until I am no longer at my weakest
So that I know I am not just some lost soul you were trying to help
So that I know I am not just some girl who needed a way out
So that I know I am more of me, the me that I want you to see

I am a true hopeless romantic
Who acts like a paranoid sceptic
I only want to see you happy
And I hope you understand
That I can never be just a friend

So I said my goodbyes and thank yous
And this is not another 'see you later' like the last two

I hope you find what you were seeking for
And I hope I can find mine too

I love you so much #sotong

#almostdoesntcount

To the next girl

I have a gut feeling. So I am writing this down.
I am writing this in hopes the next girl reads this.
Yes, I was stupid for loving too hard.
Yes I hope you are smarter than me. Yes, you are smarter than me.
He ended a 6 year relationship with another girl, then we started seeing each other.
He said he couldn't be himself with her that's why he ended things.
He owed her around MYR2k, I think.
Yes, he did pay her off eventually when we were together.

We were together for 8+ years.
He was talking about quitting his job and I asked about his savings. He just smiled.
When he quits, his words were some where along the lines of
"Rasa dunia ni kelabu. Sekarang dah clear dah"
That is the day I somehow have another mouth to feed besides my cats.

I have watched enough Judge Judy to know that food, clothes, groceries and small items bought in a relationship are considered us playing house and being in a relationship. I have no right to claim them when the relationship ended.
I paid for everything 90% of the time. When he has jamming sessions or shows, guess who pays for the petrol and had to drive around?
Yes, stupid me. Who took out a personal loan and maxed out her credit card to maintain our lifestyle. Yes, stupid me.
Stupid, I know. I consider myself lucky as my family have enough and he's not so much so I didn't mind. Now I consider it as a service payment for him keeping up with my antics. And for those who says that my mental illness means I am crazy, you had come to a conclusion that "Patut la dia dump Ida tu, Ida tu gila rupanya" when he did dumped me. So no point of arguing there. You win.

In 2011, I started this 555 Microsoft Excel sheet to record all the money he borrowed from me. I will email this sheet every 3 months or so to remind him to pay me back. He never did. Even when he gets his ASB and payments for sessioning and shows. Even when I begged him to pay just a little amount. This is for duit makan and belanja when he had tours, his ASB, his WiFi I have paid the registration for and he promised that he will keep up with the monthly payments. He did for a month. The rest I had to pay for them. I had to make up tasks and chores for him so that I can either deduct or give him pocket money. When he comes and keep an eye on my cats when I was away, he was being paid to to that. Lol.
I stopped keeping record in 2013 because the amount was overwhelming. And I was dealing with issues of my own. Long story short, the total amounted was MYR 6,726
I later added on MYR 3,330 for the Traps drumset that was supposed to be my wedding present to him. So final amount was MYR 10,056.
Yes, you can keep saying that I'm stupid and you will never let a man play you like that. Yay, you are smarter than me. Keep being smart okay?

And I took back the desktop I bought for him. He broke his promises so I broke mine.
He said I am beautiful every single day.
He said he loves me every single day.
Every single day till the day until he dumped me. We even had dinner before he dumped me. He asked me to pick him up from work, had dinner and sent him home. And that night was the rare moments when he actually paid for his own meal😏. Such a gentleman.

So he has paid some amount. Okay la tu, at least he is paying, some of you may say. Oh well, mind you, to be kept reminded of the debt and my stupidity every month is punishment enough. I am still paying for the personal loan and will finish paying my credit end of this month. My CCRIS has already been affected. Tengah nak cantik kan semula. Huhu. And fyi, I could pay all my debt if he pays me all he owes me now. But I am not holding my breath for that. I know he won't even if he can.

Oh when he dumped me, he told his friend that
"Rasa dunia ni kelabu. Sekarang dah clear dah"
Sounds familiar? Lol.

He may have changed. He promised to pay me MYR 200 per month. He had paid MYR 200 for a few months and he had paid MYR 100, MYR 150 and MYR 100 this last 3 months. I just don't want you to be his kelabuness. Why I am writing this? I am being kinder to myself. At the risk of people calling me stupid, naive and him not paying me anymore.

Saya, Siti Zuridah binti Mohd Rais tidak menghalalkan hutang kepada Ibrahim bin Mohd Kamarudin sebanyak MYR 8,906 selagi dia tidak membayarnya.

“Jiwa seseorang mukmin itu tergantung dengan sebab hutangnya hinggalah dijelaskan”
[Diriwayatkan oleh Tarmizi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad dan Hahim dari Abu Hurairah]

-idaXu

My Happiness is . . .

My happiness is . . .

When I make a positive impact in some being lives even if they don't know it was me

When I start learning from the people I am supposed to facilitate

When every cat and dog are no longer living on the streets and have a family who loves them until the day they die

When my cats have a comfy, stimulating and easy to clean room all to themselves

When I have a space saving home that is highly functional to me and would take me less than 3 hours to deep clean
Yes, I find practicality and being organized very sexy

When I can just talk, hang out and just chill with none judgemental people who always have my back as I have theirs. I love you babes!

When I can enjoy anyone's company and intimacy where he finds me sexy just the way I think, speak and how my body looks like

When I always have enough cash in my purse to go buy my cats' food and litter

When I always have enough cash in my purse to shop for what I need

When I can differentiate between what I need and what I lust for and what I desire

When I always enough cash to give to the needy

When I don't wake up in a pool of sweat, short of breath and shaking because I have lost another battle with my anxiety

When I am old and frail, I would just die peacefully without being a burden to anyone

Even though my happiness doesn't look like your happiness, who are you to tell me that I am not happy?

Your happiness is . . .
When you have a miniature versions of you running around the house, getting good grades and be someone you can be proud of
Good for you for that is noble and good

Please don't wish it upon me
Because those are the things that makes YOU happy
But not me

#breakupsucks

He dumped me that night.
I asked him for another chance.
He said no, no, no, no, no.
I gave him the total of how much he owed me.
I changed my Facebook status to single.
He deleted all our pictures and my pictures on his account.
I blocked him in all my social media.
I posted on Facebook about the break up.
I added the supposedly 'wedding gift' into the total of debt and send him a Whatsapp about it.
He confirmed the total amount.
I blocked him again.
I had a girls night out.
I still feel my heart breaking.
I made up my mind,
10k, 10 wefies and 10 flowers.
I unblocked him from all my social media, but we're not friends.
I apologized to him and wish him well via Whatsapp.
He didn't reply.
I went to his house.
I said I changed my mind and asked for the desktop that I bought him.
He said okay.
I had to wait.
His mum asked me to have lunch together.
I ate.
I almost cried.
I didn't tell her.
He gave me the desktop in 3 ikea bags.
He asked where did I parked my car.
I said 'there'', I pointed.
He offered to carry the bags.
I said no.
We parted ways.
I carried the bags and cursed under my breath all the way to my car.
The end.

Rockstar

To the rockstar who smashed my heart into pieces, this is my what I hope is my closure.

Abang,
I never knew me being the 'smarter' one in our conversations wasn't ideal for you
Because I never felt that way as your opinions were refreshing and your knowledge in music always surpassed mine.
You told me you love me cause I am smart
I have asked you in many times in different occasions does me being opinionated bothers you as I have read most men are not comfortable with that.
I had an ex like that, remember when we discussed about that?

I never knew you wanted to end our relationship
Because in the 3-4 occasions for the past 8 years that I told you that I don't think our relationship is working out,
You told me to stop asking for a break up and start to work on this relationship
I did and yesterday you broke up with me
I told you that you at least owe us a try, let's make this work because I did for us, when you asked.
"No, no, no, no, no," you said.

For 8 years,
You told me that you would grow old together with me.
You told me everyday I am smart, beautiful and caring person and that you are the luckiest person on earth.

When people ask me about us,
What make us last for 8 years?
Communication, I would say.
Why are you very supportive of Bizee?
Because he supports me when I need him too.

Last night,
You told me there were times you took pleasure of seeing me hurt and crying because of what you have done.
You told me that there were times that you argued just for the sake of being right.
You told me that there were times when you have said 'I love you' and 'I miss you', you didn't mean them.
You told me that there were times that all you can think about after our disagreement is how to maneuver around the problem instead of solving them.
You told me that the time that you are so mad that you felt like punching me in the face, I told you if you punch, I will walk away from our relationship.
Now I wish you have punched me. So in my head, it is a clear sign that this was a toxic relationship.
So in my head now, there won't be these thoughts running through our memories, trying to find what went wrong.

Alas,
Thank you for moral support when I was down at my lowest.
When people kicked me down, you helped me to get back on my feet again.
Thank you for your conversations and great company.
Thank you for tolerating with my quirks, lack of punctuality and potty mouth.

I hope you will achieve your dreams soon.
With whomever that might be.

Cinta.

#breakupsucks

please don't lean on me

please don't lean on me

idaXu Rais

16042014

please don’t lean on me

cause i’m falling too

please don’t expect me to cover for you

cause i’m all dried up too

please don’t ask me to rescue you

cause i’m drowning too

please don’t  cry in front of me

cause my smiles hides all my pain too

please don’t hold on to me

cause the noose around my neck has tightened too

please don’t tell me your grand finale

cause i’m thinking of my great escape too

please don’t  lean on me

cause inside I’m dying too

The Creation (a poem from a friend)

In the same notepad, I was gladly surprised to found this poem the most! I wrote the first 8 lines. A friend read it and secretly finished it with her own twist. Then she wrote it in my notepad. How funny it was to look back and remember what we were like back then!

I laughed and fell out of my seat by the time I finished reading it! It's not not funny hilarious, it's insider's joke type of funny.

The Creation
Shaz da' Mafia, 1997

If I peep through my bedroom window
A huge tower invites me
Inside it lived four widows
Which makes the tower more eerie

When the full moon reflects in the lake
And the howling of wolves you can hear so well
A pot of hot soup they will make
They'll begin their chant of spells from hell
The vulture flew high like gell
And the mouse ready to ring the bell
When the owl made its move and fell

The wicked witch just smiled
That you can see it for a mile
The face that you have never seen before
So scary like a lion that roars

The pot started to bubble
The witch started to mumble
The green liquid turned into something
That can make you feel like you have been sting

Raise a weird figure
That the witch wanted to transfer
It's only Ida who changed old
And make the wizard sit tight and stroll. . .

My Mission Statement

My Mission Statement

by idaXu

Monday, 18 January, 2010 4:04:00 PM

Live

I want to live my life to the fullest.

Try legal things I have never tried before.

Try things I’m afraid to do.  

Go to places I’ve never been to. 

Learn

Learn about things I don't know. 

I will continue to learn by helping people learn new things. 

Share my experience with others that will benefit me and them.

Inspire people to learn 

because the learning process is a beautiful process.

I love the feeling I get when I finally understand something

I love to see the sparkle in a person eyes when they finally got it. 

I will continue to learn until the day I die.

I will never end up a grumpy old lady who has to depend on others, ignorant, and a burden. 

Love

Love myself. 

Surround myself with people who love me as I am. 

Leave a legacy of people loving life and love to learn

another long lost poem : Chinadoll

After reading this poem, I am sure these collection of poem is from 1998 unlike my previous guess which was 1997. I know that this poem was written in 1998 because I know who Chinadoll and Queen of Hearts were! I wish them all the happiness in the world, er but not together!

Chinadoll

by idaXu Rais

like a little china doll

an absolute princess of fragile

standing high reaching the sky

can't touch it no more

can't hold it no more

no matter how hard i've tried

it used to be in my precious hands

it used to be near me

all the time

never thought that was all that i wanted the most

now

she is standing on the top shelf

the top shelf of the Queen of Hearts

so tall 

it makes me feel so small

but never fear, my sweet Chinadoll

for i will find a ladder

and keep you in my hands once again! 

another long lost poem : Blackrose

Here's another one of the poems that was in my long lost notepad. I have forgot that these poems existed! 

Blackrose

by IdaXu Rais

if friends are like flowers

i know you will pick me

cause i'm a black rose

rare, mysterious and prickly thorny

                   your tender... .

                   your love... .

                   your care... . 

                   showered me night and day

                   day and night i felt blessed

but now... .

here i lay in this lonely vase

untouched... .

uncared... .

anymore... .

but freedom never shall i desire

cause a flower can never have another life

after the vase!

long lost poem, found! : Blackrose II

This poem was in my long lost notepad I found recently. I have forgot that these poems existed! Based on my handwriting  what my friends wrote for me in it, most likely it was 1997, during my high school years, hence the trying-too-hard-to-be-cool language, hahaha. I went crazy with the dot dot dot (full stop symbol). I edited them a wee bit, well, because I can.

Blackrose II

by IdaXu Rais

i used to have a necklace like this
 but it was all black
and there were a chain under the rose.

if you pick a black rose

be careful with your hands, my love

you'll never know what's behind it's beauty

if you pick it for it's mystery

the horns will cut you deeply

if you pick it for it's unique passion

the cut will slit open

and if you pick it for the world discovery

the thorns are stings like poison ivy

but if you pick it because of love

you won't mind the people, the pain and the poison!

We Are SUKARELAWAN (volunteers)

we are sukarelawan
by idaXu Rais 12/09/2012

we are sukarelawan (volunteers)

SUKA (like/love)
we love ALL animals we love animals
enough to SPAY and NEUTER them for their health and well being in a community
we love JAKIM for recognizing the problem
and issued a fatwa on SPAYING and NEUTERING

 "Bahawa mengembiri binatang kesayangan 
seperti kucing dan anjing hukumnya adalah diHARUSkan
dengan sebab-sebab tertentu iaitu demi menjaga kemaslahat ummah."
(fatwa JAKIM 2002)

we love to see animal LIVE their lives instead of just surviving them
we love to help other animal rescuers
with our MEDICAL SUBDIDY providing the rescuers fits the criteria
and follow the our procedures
 we love animals, do you?

 p/s : we also love FOOD :D

RELA (willing)
we are willing to keep our pets indoors
if it makes our neighbors uncomfortable,
using the old excuse "your pet pees and poos everywhere"
we are willing to keep our pets indoors
to avoid our pets being poison, douse with hot water or beaten
we are willing to spend our own free time
on our day off from work to send strays in need of medical attention
we are willing to make time to send our community strays
to be spay or neuter to the vet
we are willing to transport strays in our OWN vehicle
or hail a cab to their destination
we are willing to get our hand dirty with strays' pee & poo
we are willing to skip meals
to ensure our community strays at least gets a meal once a day
we are willing to rescue strays in emergency cases
instead of just watching
or comment in facebook,"oh,what a pity . . "
 we are willing to do our own research online by Google
or finding book about how to take care of animals

we are willing, are you?

LAWAN (fight)
we fight animal abusers by reporting them to DVS
with evidences instead of waiting for others to do it for us
we fight animal abusers by condemming their actions publically
and rescue the animals ourselves if we have to
we fight vocally to discourage buying pets
especially from backyard breeders (BYB)

we fight animal abusers, do you?

think again before you judge us.
we are sukarelawan 

what are YOU doing for your community?

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Poetry : Don't be a stranger

don't be a stranger you said
by idaXu Rais

me & bz -picture for decoration purposes
cause we're still together

don't be a stranger you said
so i invite you for coffee
although i personally prefer green tea
you said that is so sweet
but when the time comes
you cancelled it in a heartbeat

don't be a stranger you said
so i moved to where you used to live
desperately gather all the essence you left behind
the sight, the smell and the sound of your existence
but you denied ever being there

don't be a stranger you said
so i browsed through the walls
but the 'hello's and 'how are you's
are drowned by our own popularity
all the attempts to bond passed by
so quickly down the timeline

its too late
its too bad
we ARE strangers now

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